Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Four Loves: Eros

Eros is the state of being in love, not to be confused with sexual attraction. 

"Very often what comes first is simply a delighted pre-occupation with the Beloved -  a general, unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality. A man in this state really hasn't leisure to think of sex. The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself." 

I loved this quote. I actually liked a lot of C.S. Lewis said in this chapter. There is something so romantic about a man who delighted with a woman, not because she is a woman, but because of her, because of her mind and her soul. We are in age where many women are think and are treated like the only they are good for are sex. Oh, how these women need love and acceptance of the truth. There are women who think the only way to receive a man's love is to sexually attract him. While this will get his attention, it certainly will not get his respect or what she really longs for, his eros. That is why I like this quote so much, it really takes the sex part out of it completely and focuses on what is most important: the woman herself. 

"Eros, king of pleasures."

I thought it was interesting that C.S. Lewis calls Eros the king of pleasures. I have thought about it, and I agree with him. But we cannot limit Eros just to a relationship between man and woman, but also to man and God. But to be in a state of eros is so exciting, but also must be used properly. I have fallen into the schemes of a man where eros was present between us. I was not careful or cautious. I did not guard my heart, and eternally will regret it. But I do believe that when used properly, eros can be the 'king of pleasures'. 

"The real danger seems to me not that the lovers will idolize each other but that they will idolize eros himself."

"We must do the work of Eros, when Eros is not present."

I really really loved this quote. I think it is something that will remain in me forever (I hope). It is a gently reminder that Eros will not always be there to give us happy feelings about the other person. And when it's not there, what are we to do? We should do the work of Eros. He should buy flowers, she should cook him breakfast. Loving acts of kindness are needed. 

Today in class I was reminded of how precious I am. And that I should keep my standards high for the man I marry, if I marry. I have been badly wounded by my past relationship. And I got a little choked when I read the part about the cigarette box. I have felt like the cigarette carton that has been thrown out.  And being an empty carton, I felt like I had nothing. But I stand tall today because God's grace is good. And I know now that I do not deserve that, and that there are men that will love me not for the sake of Venus but for me, as a woman (which won't even matter that I am a woman). That is the love and eros I desire. 


  1. The three quotes you chose to comment are some that also stuck out to me.
    After the second one you mentioned that Eros should not be limited to a relationship between a man and a woman-- I agree and at one point Lewis says as much "It [Eros between a man and a woman] is an image, a foretaste, of what we must become to all if Love Himself rules in us without a rival."
    Keep your standards high if for no other reason that God has high standards concerning you as well.

  2. Dear Annie,

    Yes dear! You are precious in God's eyes, and His heart rejoices because you are back under His fold in this area of life!
    Yes! keep your standards high!
    Nothing is more valuable than confessing one's mistakes and be able to start with a clean slate! The future is yours, and with GOD it cannot be better! He is your all!
    May I suggest that you may want to conclude with the remainder of the readings of ‘The Four Loves’ ! As 'Storge', Philia and finally 'Agape' love (not in your assigned readings but worth a discussion) should come before/above all? I.e. learning to be Christ like and loving your own family, and learning to have and cultivate friendships should come before Eros or Venus. I.e. Agape > Storge > Philia > Eros > Venus.

    God Bless,